i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All the doctor said was why
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
