I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
