are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize