It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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