My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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