Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
