Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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