Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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