Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
