I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
