It's a beautiful day for a hangover
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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