Pappa wants mamma naked
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
