Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
