You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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