she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
