Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My balls are so social today.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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