Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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