Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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