it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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