i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm just crazy horny about you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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