so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
