I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
