My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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