I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
