A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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