so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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