I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How does one acquire holy water?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
