Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize