I hate your face
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
