Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
