not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
