Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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