I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
