Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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