We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
