It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
