I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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