you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
