FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
