Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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