I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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