i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
