Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I faked an abortion last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
