Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
