Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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