1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
