I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
