I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
