oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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