We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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