96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
