Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize