i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
