he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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