I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
