you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
