I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
