Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
