Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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