why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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