And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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