i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
