how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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