sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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