i used baking grease as lip gloss
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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