someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
