For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
