and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
