Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
