When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
