Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
