Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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