just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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