:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize