Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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