She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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