I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
