you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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