I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
