I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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