I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
