I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
