I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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