so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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