lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
