Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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