well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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