don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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