I can tuck mytits in my pants
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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